Don’t Blame Rufus King for this Mess

Posted: September 16, 2009 in Horses & Politicians lacking Balls, Uncategorized

A Small Ball Report Political Position Paper

By Anthony Liebrandt

Undoubtedly, the next generation of nerds will invent a sophisticated Smart Phone/TV remote/Garage Door Opener/MP3 player that can electronically exchange money when you wave it at another device.   When the girl scouts are buzzing your doorbell ready to fleece you out of another $20 worth of Tagalongs you won’t be able to dodge them with the “I don’t have any cash” excuse because the smart little green skirted co-eds will rebut that with “That’s okay, our parents have already gave us our own DollarPods”

Until then, we are stuck with currency – bills and coins – and we are reminded of THEIR greatness.  THEY are everywhere.   THEY are the Statues and Portraits at the memorials of our summer vacations.   THEY are the exciting new biographies climbing the best seller list each year with new revelations about THEIR worst fears and THEIR favorite color.   Of course, I’m talking about our Founding Fathers.   We’ve been told a lot of about what THEY intended, why THEY did it that way, and what THEY might think.   I’m wondering should we, so much? 

Rufus King, Thomas Mifflin and other guys in Wigs that you were told about in elementary school.

Rufus King, Thomas Mifflin and other guys in Wigs that you were told about in elementary school.

The hot, young, cooler than any teacher I ever had in school character in Dazed and Confused perhaps said it best when she reminded her high school students at the final bell before summer:  “OK, guys, one more thing. Hey, this summer when you’re being inundated with all this bi-centennial, Fourth of July, bru-ha-ha just remember what you’re celebrating. That’s the fact that a bunch of slave-owning aristocratic white males didn’t want to pay their taxes.”

These men who followed up their 1776 revolutionary hit single the Declaration of Independence with their 1787 album the United States Constitution are credited with establishing the most successful democracy in history.  And they should all be commended for that.   This founding fraternity included guys you have heard of like Hamilton, Franklin and Madison, but also included guys like Rufus King and Thomas Mifflin, who if you told me were halfbacks on the 1931 Packers I would believe that as well.   

For their part, Rufus King and Thomas Mifflin and others couldn’t really see the entire picture of what the nation would become.  If they had, we wouldn’t have the 27 cross-outs, do-overs and amendments that make up today’s US Constitution.   One thing they didn’t immediately foresee was the entrenched establishment of a two political party system with their own conflicting ideologies.   Rufus King might be amused that nary a daily news cycle goes by without one of our two vaunted political parties crying Constitutional encroachment on the other.   It would be laughable if only we weren’t so stuck with these two mediocre choices for leadership. 

The Republican Party Mascot: The GOP is represented by the Elephant, which if you have visited the Milwaukee Zoo in August you will know the Elephant is noted for dropping one of the larger piles of crap in the entire animal kingdom.   However, for all it’s proliferation, the Elephant turd pile in no way rivals the mound that Laura Dern stuck her Jurassic Park hand into.  Was I the only one who ever wondered what University taught her how to analyze dinosaur stool samples?   The fact that some republicans act like dinosaurs is either coincidental or part of their problem.

The Republican Party Mascot: The GOP is represented by the Elephant, which if you have visited the Milwaukee Zoo in August you will know the Elephant is noted for dropping one of the larger piles of crap in the entire animal kingdom. However, for all it’s proliferation, the Elephant turd pile in no way rivals the mound that Laura Dern stuck her Jurassic Park hand into. Was I the only one who ever wondered what University taught her how to analyze dinosaur stool samples? The fact that some republicans act like dinosaurs is either coincidental or part of their problem.

The easiest way for this Blog to become wildly popular would be to stop doing stories about Moko the Dolphin and Trash Toter.  …But, aside from posting pictures of ESPN sideline reporter Erin Andrews, the other fastest way for a meteoric rise in web hits would be to join the babbling mass of bloggers on the right and left, throwing spears at each other every day in countering volleys of insult and umbrage.  The problem is both sides – both parties – are leveraged in hypocrisy and held hostage to idealogues to the Democratic left and the Republican right.   As an example of this entrenchment there was just few short years ago a famed Gang of 14 moderate Senators.   Today, they are called the Gang of  6.   What America is really missing is a third choice, a meaningful third party down the middle, like the moderate Small Ball Party that I am announcing today.   

The Small Ball Party will inspire a radical Moderation, and promote causes that advance the Vast Middle Wingless Conspiracy.  We are not Blue Dogs or Red Dogs because we don’t really like dogs, mine often smells and has wrecked multiple window screens.   But, we are also an open party, so if you do like dogs, we suppose you can join the party as well.  And that’s really the point of the new Small Ball Party, it is a place for many who have found the current two parties too rigid, and unaccepting of their views.    Of course, the reason for this new centered party is that the current two party arrangement is a joke-worthy mess, wringing in hypocrissy.

A Republican Hypocrisy:

Republicans like to think that they would win the Love America contest.   And their team spirit is a wonder, Republicans sure Love America, they just don’t love all Americans.    

Matthew Shepard  was a 21 year college student attending the University of Wyoming in 1998.    He was very gay.   I mean very, very gay.    Okay, maybe that’s not describing him accurately enough; he was very, very, very gay.   He was so gay that a gay guy with a chronic gaydar malfunction could tell Matthew Shepard was gay.   Now, you could be surprised to hear that the guy that played Doogie Howser was gay, but Matthew Shepard was like the guy on every season’s first episode of Survivor, where you go, “Yep, he’s the gay one for this season!”   I have pointed Matthew Shepard’s gayness out to you dear reader merely to illustrate the following point, this kid had no choice, he was born gay. 

Matthew was an outcast for most of his life.   His mamma loved him anyway.  

Eleven years ago next month, Matthew Shepard left the Fireside Lounge in Laramie with two other young men that he had met for the first time that night.   His body would be found 18 hours later tied to a fence.   Part of the evidence that was used to convict one of the assailants was the fact that hair from Matthew’s butt was found on the revolver of the defendent.   An autopsy reveals that it was used for indescrible things    Now, sometimes I try to make a story humorous, I can’t make this one sound funny.   The acts committed against Matthew were clearly in the wheelhouse of a Hate crime.   

Today, there are federal laws on the books that provide extra sentencing for Hate crimes involving racism, sexism and xenophobia.   There are no such extra sentencing laws for crimes committed based on sexual orientation.   They have been repeatedly blocked by Republicans.     

There is no earthly reason that makes sense as to why a Republican voting block that normally likes to be labeled Tough On Crime would not overwhelming pass the expansion of the current Hate crime law to include crimes committed based on sexual orientation.   But, this is a party being held hostage by right wing political organizations like the Family Research Council, their Peter Sprigg recently said,  “People should be punished for their actions and not their thoughts.”

The Democrat Party Mascot:  Yesterday Barack Obama called Kanye West a “jackass”.  He was berating him for the very poor form of ransacking the delightful Taylor Swift’s recent VMA acceptance speech.    Or maybe, he was just calling West a good Democrat because the party’s moniker happens to be an apple eating donkey.   This brought Kanye West into the company of another man who was famously called a jackass, Andrew Jackson in 1824.    Jackson, however, did something modern Democrats seldom do as he deftly turned the tables, and sloganeered on how he would be jackass stubborn with the power of the veto.

The Democrat Party Mascot: Yesterday Barack Obama called Kanye West a “jackass”. He was berating him for the very poor form of ransacking the delightful Taylor Swift’s recent VMA acceptance speech. Or maybe, he was just calling West a good Democrat because the party’s moniker happens to be an apple eating donkey. This brought Kanye West into the company of another man who was famously called a jackass, Andrew Jackson in 1824. Jackson did something weak modern Democrats seldom do, turn the tables. He deftly sloganeered on how he would be "jackass" stubborn with the power of the veto. The Donkey and Democrat have been friends ever since.

The Family Research Council which touts its Christian Family Values doesn’t repudiate the current law on the same grounds.   It just doesn’t support its expansion to be inclusionary for crimes committed against gays.   As a Christian myself I have a value system that is very much at odds with this position by the Family Reserach Council. I happen to think that God had a reason for making Matthew Shepard gay.   

A Democrat Hypocrisy:

The biggest problem with the Democrat party is that it is a loose confederation of special interest groups that love to hang out at a Caucus, but wouldn’t be caught together sharing a pitcher of beer at the same brew pub.  They are like two guys attending the same Cleveland Browns game.  One is a union worker sitting in the end zone wearing his Dawg Pound mask and freezing his ass off.   The other is a trial lawyer who won’t mess up his $400 haircut with a Dawg Pound mask as he sits in the temperature controlled suite level eating dim sung from the half-time buffet.   They both cheer wildly win the Browns manage a rare score, but have little else in common. 

And that is why together their collective lobbies create bloated legislation and congressional spending wherever their paths cross.    The current health care push being championed by Democrats illustrates this conundrum on one notable level.   Obama’s own fuzzy math formulas say that billions can be saved by rooting out fraud, corruption and inefficiencies within the current Medicare system.   That sounds like a problem, why don’t we fix that problem, put the money in a Christmas club savings account and save up for when we are ready to spend money on an expanded health bill later.

Congressional Democrats have written thousands of pages of would-be health care reform legislation over the years, and none of it ever addresses that one area of bloat, lawsuits.  That individual surgeons spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on insurance premiums to protect themselves from the greedy lawyerly leaches is the biggest travesty of this entire debate.  Democrats lament the supposed greed in CEO salaries, but stand by as accomplice to the pilfering of trial lawyers.  Obama rattles off his disdain from his teleprompter towards special interests.   What he really means are special interests that are not lined up on his side of the ball. 

The Small Ball Party

In the coming months you will see more commentary from the Small Ball Report advancing the causes of this new Radical Moderate viewpoint.  As a party name, I’m not so sure that the Small Ball Party sounds dignified enough yet, I may have to work on that.   

But alas, today a new movement has been formed.   No special interests are allowed, no prejudices are accepted.    Donations are accepted, just wand me $20 from your DollarPod.

For more half-truths and outright lies visit the Small Ball Report at www.smallballreport.com

Comments
  1. […] He had planned to use that race as a launch pad for the proliferation of the new political Small Ball Party that he had just announced last week as an alternative to Republicans and Democrats, […]

  2. […] The real motivation for our tour was to begin laying the groundwork for all the changes I plan to make to the various White House State rooms when I become First Lady, err – First Man.  I’m conceding that my college transcript and that one misunderstanding Rodney King Style that I may have had with a couple (or eight) Wartburg College Security Officers may come back to haunt me, so a better alternative for our family run at the Presidency will be to have my wife, Felicity Liebrandt, run for the office.   She would be the perfect candidate to make the first serious run at the office from the recently announced Small Ball Party.   […]

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