Small Ball Report Fires Reporter for Not Sneezing into Elbow

Posted: September 18, 2009 in Media Frenzy

The Small Ball Report announced this morning that it has fired Chuck Todd as its Chief Political Contributor in the wake of his careless, insensitive, reprehensible and wanton disregard for the new Obama Sneeze Into Elbow Law.     No word yet on whether his other employer, MSNBC will follow suit. 

Anthony Liebrandt, VP and Managing Editor of the Small Ball Report had this to say, “Anytime we send our reporters to the White House briefing room or battlefield or to our outdoor parking lot when we are trying to crack the ‘We Just Saw a Snowflake Story, Tonight at 10’, we want them to know that they have a responsibility to do things the right way.    And no, I’m not talking about things like fact checking or source attribution, we don’t get all hung up on that around here.  

Chuck Todd with his smug I don't have to follow the new Obama Sneeze Law look

Chuck Todd looking all smug with his "I don't have to follow the new Obama Sneeze Into Elbow Law pose"

“I get it.   It is Ragweed Season.   I have allergies too.   Today one of the guys at the office, said to me, ‘Easy their Limbaugh, how many Zyrteks is that for you today.’   But for heaven’s sake Chuck Todd, if you have to sneeze, please do as Kathleen Sebelieus asks and sneeze in your Elbow.  She’s from Kansas and the Kansas state flower is the Weed so obviously she oughta know.”

“We wish Chuck the best,”  Liebrandt continued.  “And we know that he can continue to work at MSNBC because despite his limited talent and face for radio that was the one place that he could work behind the camera, I mean look they even gave Rachel Maddow an hour.”

Liebrandt then left the Small Ball office complex, went home,  and gathered his children around the living room ottoman last night and used Chuck Todd’s poor sneeze form as a teaching moment for his children.   His daughters took turns making their American Girl Dolls sneeze correctly into their Elbows.   He then showed them what would happen if the Mia doll passed germs to the Reece doll by sneezing the wrong way they would pass swine flu to each other and fall over dead.   There was perhaps, some crying heard after that demonstration.  

The new law has not been without its detractors, however.   Thom Rundrey, a lobbyist for Benadryl, had this to say, “Look, this is a flat out encroachment into our very way of life.    If I want to sneeze, I’m going to sneeze into my hand every time.   Everyone knows the reason you sneeze into your hand at the office or school is that you can than casually rub that sneeze snot into your palms over the next several minutes without anyone getting wise to it.   What happens when the sneeze snot lands on your brand knew shirt.   A little bit harder to hide, right?”

For more half-truths and outright lies visit the Small Ball Report at    

  1. Maggie says:

    My kid came home from school the other day saying that they learned to cough and sneeze into their elbow with Germy Wormie, and I was totally taken aback. I always covered with my hands. But I went to the website and now I get it, hands touch, elbows don’t!! Kids can touch 300 surfaces in 1/2 hour and they hate to wash their hands. This is a simple thing that can make a huge difference (so don’t take it for granted!).

  2. liebrandt says:

    Maggie: Thank you for visiting the Small Ball Report and bringing this Germy Wormy guy to my attention. I’m going to check him out. He certainly looks to be more charming than Kathleen Sebelius.

  3. Ebony says:

    I was so confused about what to buy, but this makes it undrestanaldbe.

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