The Small Ball Report Mailbag: What is feminism?

Posted: September 3, 2009 in Small Ball Mailbag
Tags: , , ,

Dear Anthony:

Since you like to pontificate can you please help me answer the following question, “What does the term “feminism” mean?

Shauniqua – Orange County, CA 


Dear Shauniqua:

Luckily you caught me at a snapshot in my life that I was exploring my own inner feminine….Ok, maybe not, but:

Feminism is a complex term regarding the role of women in today’s world.

To answer it simply is to say that Feminism advances equality for women, however the Small Ball Report doesn’t answer readers questions simply.

Let’s explore it from a historical perspective. Societal views on the role of women in the beginning dictated that they fulfill a Complementary role within the household.

The lady has a role that compliments her husband. The husband found gainful employment in the steel mill, the corn field, or the buffalo bow and arrow slaughter trip.

Meanwhile, the wife provided for her husband and their marital offspring by gutting his catfish catch, cooking his cornbread and coming up with new interesting colors for his war paint. The wife was also careful after a hard day of vacuuming and wiping up Pledge to not have her make-up smeared or bonnet out of place when her man got home. It was her duty to have a fresh plate of deviled eggs on the table when he walked in the door.

Always, the male species was the head of household.

Marie Curie beaming and saying "Boo-yah, I just invented Polonium!"

Marie Curie beaming and saying "Boo-yah, I just invented Polonium!"

This lesser role for woman was supported throughout time and was propagated onto society in no small part thanks to Roman Catholic theologions viewpoint on the Adam and Eve debacle.   Some theologians use this as proof that women should always be subservient, as if God had chastised Adam, saying “Why did you listen to the naked girl with the apple?”

Additionally, as the Geico Cavemen teach us, generally the man was also always hairier, tougher, and capable of whipping the lady at arm wrestling. Therefore he dictated that she should be subservient to the man.

However, it was discovered in the mid past century that society hadn’t fully tapped the resources of the female gender. Rosie, a 1942 Assistant Riveter Technician who lived in New Orleans, was put to work on the assembly line.  She was really good at making amphibious assault boats and bomber planes and changed the course of history when someone noticed that she could also turn a wrench both clock and counter clock wise.

This momentum followed the success a few years prior of a girl from Warsaw named Marie Curie who had launched an IPO for a new scientific research company. Her hit fragrances Radium and Polonium were very popular in Europe.

This led to a new movement that differed from a complimentary role and would be called the Egalitarian role for women. This held that women and men were equals in society and that maybe if the lady could get a higher SAT score and land a job at Goldman Sachs than maybe the douchebag frat boy intramural flag football quarterback should stay at home and watch Oprah.     

Feminism supports an Egalitarian viewpoint that women should have equality in society and in their family life.

Many men are defensive of this viewpoint. They point out that men and women were created differently.

Women are not as good at Tight End as Jason Witten.   He's on my Fantasy Team.

Women are not as good at Tight End as Jason Witten. He's on my Fantasy Team.

And clearly this is true because at Sunday afternoon picnics in Texas men are the ones playing Tight End and women are the ones in scantily clad white shorts waving pom poms. Ironically, the male football fan has fantasies about both, but only scores points when the Tight End scores a touchdown.

Also, the Lingerie Bowl which runs at half time of the Super Bowl convinces us that we don’t want these roles to change. That game is very poorly played, froth with penalties and poor down field blocking.

Oh, there is one other difference besides women’s inability to run a zone blitz scheme on Super Sunday. The female is the only gender capable of child bearing, and they have gotten very good at it. They can pop out babies eight at a time like Octomom or once every November Sweeps season on TLC like that Dugar lady.

Even if a female is not inclined to strive for such gaudy birthing numbers as these two mommy hall-of-famers, the female is seemingly more naturally inclined to like their kids more and want to stay home with them. But, that doesn’t mean that they are less important or not equal.

These Talented Girls are not on my Fantasy Team

These talented girls can do anything they want in life, except play Tight End.

I have a few daughters. I know they will be smarter and more dominant than their dork husbands, therefore I’m a feminist. I doubt though that true feminists would support me putting the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders on this page in an effort to get page hits.


For more Half Truths and Outright Lies, visit the Small Ball Report at

  1. Mike Learmouth says:

    Hey Anthony,

    Nice Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader photo (it worked I read the article)…

    Did you happen to get that Shauniqua ladies phone number? She sounds hot.


    • liebrandt says:

      I’ll try to get it for you, but I read into Shauniqua’s questioning that she looking for someone that is the opposite of you. Not someone who devalues women and would only visit this page to look at the Cowgirls half time dance.

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