New report suggests claw foot tubs can cause Erectile Dysfunction

Posted: January 23, 2011 in Uncategorized

It was a shot over the bow to Cialis.   It turns out that sitting naked in a meadow, on the beach, or in the middle of a wheat field in matching, side-by-side claw foot bathtubs may actually cause Erectile Dysfunction, the very affliction that it is designed to cure.    Cialis, the company that has long played wingman in the market to the more popular Viagra, was nonplussed by the announcement, the drug maker announced yesterday that it has no plans to pull its controversial commercials.

“Wow you were fantastic honey. That Cialis really did the job. Do we have to wait for the tide to come in to get water in these tubs?”

“The claw foots stay,”  a spokesperson for Cialis confirmed yesterday.    “We have always tried to profile our customers in such a way that is realistic, romantic, and represents their passions in a reasonable way.”

Which seems a little ridiculous.   It’s bad enough that every child in America who has ever watched a game on TV with Dad knows about Erectile Dysfunction and the dangers of a 4 hour erection.

Every Cialis commercial takes the same approach.     The not quite over the hill couples are usually in the kitchen goggling at each other in a rather gross way.   They get  increasingly more excited as they frolic about cutting up celery stalks.   Ultimately they embrace, but are nice enough to interrupt their foreplay to look at the camera and give 15 seconds of disclaimers to end the 30 second commercial spot.   Perhaps the reason that the guy can’t get it up effectively is that he is too worried about the 20 different questions he is supposed to be asking his doctor before trying the pill?

The companion commercial to the kitchen scene is the one that features outdoor yard work, like raking leaves or washing the car, as those are also activities that can apparently set off the lustful feelings and desires of older Americans.

“It is your turn to get another bucket of water from the lake.”

But, they all end the same way, the cut away at the end of the commercial finds the couple in some exotic location, one that almost impossibly has access to plumbing.   Apparently you can run both hot and cold water as well as Schedule 40 PVC waste lines to the edge of the ocean or to the middle of a rolling field.    After all, it would be pretty absurd if the tubs are empty, right?

“Our findings suggested that men seldom use the tub, preferring the more manly shower,” said Roger Halverstorm from CFACTED, the Committee for a Cure to ED   “And of those men that were surveyed, we found that if they are going to sit it in a tub, they’d like it to have water, some even prefer a nice bubbly gel or soothing whirlpool jet.    But in all our research it was determined, that both porcelain, as well as newer model fiberglass made tubs can both be quite cold on one’s bare ass.”

The good news though is that the tubs may have inadvertently helped rectify that 24 hour erection problem.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s