CNN’s John King to use Migrant workforce to produce News Show

Posted: November 13, 2009 in Media Frenzy

Atlanta, GA.     In a stark contrast to the hardline that former anchor Lou Dobbs took on illegal immigration, his replacement John King wasted no time soothing immigrant relations as he announced that he would empoy a migrant worker force  in the back office production jobs that get the show to the air each night.   The idea is sure to turn heads.    It has long been common place to find immigrant workers employed in low cost manufacturing operations, crop harvesting, and in the lawn maintenance industry, but in this latest twist CNN hopes a Migrant workforce will solve its 7pm EST ratings dilemma.      


Breaking News! Mike Huckebee is a Hit in the Rural South!! Viewers would have never guessed that counties that Burt Reynolds and Ned Beatty used to like to paddle about in were going to vote for Huckebee. But, John King’s deft touch confirms it.

For King, it started as a weekend landscaping overhaul in his back yard.     His new wife, CNN reporter Dana Bash, had demanded that he install a brick paver walkway in the back yard of their DC area home.    “I’m not a real handy guy,” King noted.   “The most I’ve ever done with my hands is move that gigantic maperotor thing around on election night.    When I drill into the 17th district of Ohio and make up stats about if Obama can carry that district it will be a very tough night for McCain, yada yada.   So I knew I needed help, or the job would have never gotten done.”    

And that’s when it happened.   King was picking out pavers at an area Home Depot well known for its street corner gathering of immigrants who are willing to put in a hard day’s work.    Landscaper and roofing contracters routinely pick up workers at the store.   King knew that the back breaking dirt moving and leveling in his yard would require some extra hands.   

“I met four nice guys and paid them each $50 for the afternoon.    Dana was out doing one of those fluff pieces on Obama playing basketball with dudes and not including girls.   So before she even got home, the crew had all the pavers laid out and compacted,”  King mentioned. 

“What I didn’t anticipate, however, was the attention to detail that the workers displayed.  I have my own video production studio in my home office where I will edit tape and do voiceovers on the weekends.    I asked one of the guys, named (REDACTED to protect his immigrant status) to come in and hit the record button and splice up a few tapes.    And really that’s when I figured it out.    Most jobs in television are very repeatable and training up a lower cost workforce would be a good first fiduciary step in getting my show off the ground.”

What he also knew was that the grumpy Lou Dobbs had alienated many viewers for his hard line approach on immigration.  Dobbs’ nightly diatribes over the immigration problem had made him a lightnening rod among the the very liberal production staff at the Atlanta based cable news channel.   So in a telling shift of the way the new King show will go, he  thought a good first step would be to have about 20 members of his staff be made up of migrant workers. 

“The biggest challenge is that my Ford Explorer only fits 6 guys.  But, Dana can probably squeeze 4 guys into her Prius.    If we each make 2 trips into the CNN offices each morning we should be fine,”  King said.

And once the workers get to the office, King expects results.   “What I noticed when we were doing the brick pavers.   Is that none of the workers ever took a break.  No one was standing around.   At CNN, you will see staffers hanging out by the watercooler, going outside to get a smoke.    Even Dana likes to waste time at her desk playing Bejeweled Blitz.   This new hardworking culture is really going to change things here.”

And maybe that’s what has some of the current staff at CNN so jumpy.   And fearing that their jobs may be on the line.     

“Well we never appreciated Lou Dobbs taking such a polarizing position on immigration,” said Chelsey Campbell a production assistant at the network.    “I guess we thought that our jobs would never be effected.”

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