Why does T Boone Pickens hate birds?

Posted: September 23, 2009 in Uncategorized

Coming to a corn field and vacant lot near you, a gigantic windmill and alternative energy source to end American reliance on foreign oil, or if you are an innocent feathery bird…look out!

It is illegal to kill eagles and hawks and other protected flying friends, unless you do it the patriotic way, by planting a steel pole the size of a football field, attaching 3 gi-normous machete fan blades, and then just sit back and watch the carnage and hilarity ensue.   For more sick fun pour tar over your head and stand under one of those things for a few hours.   

Look Out!!!   Ahh a gentle breeze, I think I will flap my wings over there to cool my beak.   Kaplat!   An AP Photo.

Ahhhh! A gentle breeze. I think I will flap my wings over there to cool my beak. Splat!! An AP Photo.

Ah Wind, you are the answer to our energy prayers.   And thank you T Boone Pickens for divesting all your oil assets and investing in new wind technology.   There is probably nothing in it for you, eh?

Now the good news is that most places that have a lot of wind, Wrigley Field and the back nine at St. Andrews not included, are not must see destinations.   If you are driving through Nebraska you won’t be put off by the nuisance of seeing a thousand spinning house fans blocking your vast nothingness view.  As a side note, if they can strategically fan the livestock smell away from Ogallala’s I-80 Exit 126 that would be a useful technology breakthrough, and far better than the nose plugs that you have to wear currently. 

It should be noted that the Small Ball Report is not a supporter of birds.    We find them to be dirty and disgusting animals, but without the dove we would have no symbol for peace and without the blue bird there would be nothing on your shoulder.

What we do know is that the meddlesome human is at it again.  This same human animal whose obnoxious oversized carbon footprint melted the ice caps and made a glissading descent of Mt. Kilimanjaro impossible is the reason we now need spinning bird trap wind farms.

But so far, in an ironic twist, the Wind Blade Bird dissection is the one form of bird homicide not received with great umbrage.   Probably because wind technology is new and exciting.   A Wyoming utility company was fined 10 million dollars under the Migratory Bird Treaty Act for having 232 eagles get fried in its power lines.  Exxon-Mobil was fined $600,000 for its 85 bird scalps.   But so far despite killing an average of 10,000 birds a year including many on the endangered list, the wind farm in California’s Altamont Pass has received nary a fine.    

Hey there cute little bald eagle, meet dodo.

For more half-truths and outright lies visit the Small Ball Report at www.smallballreport.com

  1. diane sohn says:

    i now despise t boone you know me and birds i would take him to the pound if i could

  2. liebrandt says:

    Thank you for your concern. Thousands of innocent Orioles, Cardinals, Blue Jays, and ordinary bird feeder sparrows will perish unless we rise up and stop these windbaggy wind fanatics.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s