This Summer on The Small Ball Report

Posted: May 10, 2009 in Horses & Politicians lacking Balls

 Seven years ago a horse named Funny Cide ran with an awkward gallop. At a routine medical checkup, a Vet reached his hand underneath the animal – doing a feel around, he noticed that Funny Cide had only one descended ball sack.

Although not the topic of this story, apparently trained Vets are able to cop the proverbial feel without getting themselves kicked in the nuts.
With only one nut of his own, Funny Cide’s owners decided his future value as a stud was lessened and they had Funny Cide’s remaining ball castrated. Castrated horses are called Geldings.
Almost, immediately the Gelding horse started to run faster and began winning races. And, since the horses didn’t share a locker room after their races – like human jocks – none of the other horses roasted Funny Cide with insults about his lack of balls or his oddly spelled last name. The next summer Funny Cide became the first ball-less horse to win the Kentucky Derby in over 70 years. …Actually if you count the 3 girl horses who had won, he was the fourth ball deprived steed to win the Run for the Roses.
Two weeks later, Funny Cide would win the Preakness Stakes, the first Gelding ever to win the first 2 legs of the Triple Crown. By this time, Funny Cide had become the main rooting interest of castrated males all over the world. Males with small balls, one ball, and low sperm counts also adopted Funny and rooted vicariously for the four-hoofed wunderkind. Alas, on the verge of Triple Crown history at the Belmont Stakes, Funny Cide was beaten by two other horses, both of which had balls.
This past Saturday, Mine That Bird was the second biggest long shot to ever win the Kentucky Derby. More amazing, like Funny Cide, he was the second horse since WWII to win the Derby with no balls.

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