Posts Tagged ‘Obama’

weinermobile 1Detroit, MI.   Washington, D.C.   General Motors announced today that despite months of secret off-road testing, the new Chevy Hot-Dog-With-Ketchup-On-A-Bun will not come to market in time for the 2010 new car release.  A report in Automotive News has suggested that the embattled car maker remains hopeful that it can address safety concerns and have the bun encapsulated wiener car ready for 2011.

This announcement follows a series of recent highway accidents where hot chick college sorority girls on school break have crashed the Chevy Hot-Dog-With-Ketchup-On-A-Bun into medians, snow banks, and random Racine, Wisconsin townhomes.  Oscar Mayer LLC, the principal test driving contractor for the Chevy Hot-Dog-With-Ketchup-On-A-Bun said that no human error was involved in the recent accidents.  

GM’s own safety engineers have blamed the handling problem on the car’s inability to self navigate while young Kappa Kappa Gammas are applying make-up and simultaneously downloading Katy Perry’s Waking up in Vegas on the new iPhone 3Gs that Daddy just sent her via DHL. 

This is not good news to some who have counted on the Chevy Hot-Dog-With-Ketchup-On-A-Bun and its advanced fueling technology to revive the downtrodden company.   At its core, the Chevy ‘Dog is an engineering marvel.   Instead of regular gasoline, the vehicle runs on the barely edible discards of a meat plant factory.   Or, if it’s easier to comprehend, it runs on the ingredients that you would otherwise find in a package of hot dogs that you would find at your neighborhood Kroger/Albertsons/Safeway/Publix/Fry’s/Jewel/Food Lion/Cub Foods/Hy-Vee.   …Damn.  In that sentence I inadvertently snubbed all my Schnucks loyalist readers.

wienermobileBut anyway, it may have seemed like yet another setback for our economy but GM CEO Barack Obama softened the announcement when he read from his teleprompter this afternoon:

“The Chevy Hot-Dog-With-Ketchup-On-A-Bun is still the hybrid we have been waiting for,” he said.  “Sure, the critics can say, ‘Not This Time’.  But, they will say ‘Not This Time’ at their own peril, because the Chevy Hot-Dog-With-Ketchup-On-A-Bun is the car that we all can believe in.”

This announcement calmed investors of GM.   …And then those same investors realized that GM has already been de-listed from the NYSE and has been replaced with the ticker MLTQQ, or Motors Liquidation Company (this is true, look it up).  Investors of those shares felt a pucker, and the then saw their share price fall to .459 cents, or about half the price of one package of Fun Dip.   But, at least the new Fun Dip now comes with two delicious dipping sticks.

Sensing an opening and adding additional insult to the domestic car market, the Honda Motor Company in a joint partnership with Smithfield Beef played the savvy and fast tracked to its dealers a new Honda Corn-Dog-On-A-Stick.   It’s a similar driving experience, but more reliable and without all the annoying recall postcards.

Meanwhile T. Boone Pickens, in an announcement from his windy Texas ranch, a ranch he calls New Mexico says that, “I counseled Barack about not going forward with that automobile, and instead focus on more mainstream fuels like natural gas.  It just goes to show that when you take somebody with very little experience and put them in such an important position, a lot can go wrong.    The next thing you know he will think that because he is the CEO of GM that he has the experience necessary to be President.”