Congress to Probe Fraudulent use of Microsoft’s Out of Office Assistant

Posted: May 9, 2010 in Uncategorized

Some lying scumbags have used this trick to say that they don't have any access to email.

Every day in corporate America, you get one of those emails.   You spent hours honing your message, dressing it up with the proper 3 count of bullet points, miscellaneous links, and attachments.   You reread your message for grammar, check it for spelling, making sure you really nail it.  You hit send and off your message goes to a group of colleagues.   Immediately, you get a response from someone’s Out of Office Assistant.   That piece of drone software that has become the choice weopon of cowardly communicants.     

The auto reply tells you something on the order of: 

“Hi, this is John.   I’m Out of the Office this week.  I will have NO ACCESS to Email or Voicemail.   I will return your message on Monday when I get back.” 

Yeah right?   No Access to Email?  Where is this place that has NO Access to email and voicemail?  Is everyone spending their weeks off in remote Amazon jungles or isolated islands in the South China Sea?    Now Congress wants to know, too. 

“We want to get to the bottom of the fraudulent use of this tool,” said Henry Waxman, Chairman of the House Oversight Committee.   “It’s not enough to just say you have no access to look at an email .” 

Of all the lies perpetrated in the corporate world, the negligent use of the  Out of Office Assistant is perhaps the most egregious yet. 

“This is fifty times more damning than the accounting fraud perpetuated at Enron,”   Waxman said, comparing the negligence to the corporate accounting scandal that led to anti-fraud measures such as Sarbanes-Oxley.   “This makes AIG’s Credit Default Swap trickery look like childsplay. and that doomed our entire economy.”

With a Congressional investigation under way on the misuse of the Miscrosoft Outlook tool, some say it’s not about to change their behavior.   

“Yeah I get it, ” said James Lampley, an oil rig analyst at BP.   “I haven’t went away on a trip in seven years, but when I’m on vacation I want people to think that I’m thousands of miles away, and not sitting here like I am now on my couch reading these emails on my blackberry.”

Henry Waxman is really annoying most of the time, and a little bit funny looking, too. The map above shows areas covered by email and areas not covered by email. If you live or vacation to one of the areas in red you can say that you have no access to email.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s